being "that girl" is overrated

But we love her anyways

I’m new to Instagram—joined at the end of 2024 after being “off the grid” since 2013. Let’s just say… I’ve missed a lot in that decade. Does the panic over fearing you will accidentally “like” a post while stalking someone ever go away?? Asking for a friend.

Since joining, I have noticed a trend in the content being fed to me by the algorithm gods: tips, advice, and prompts on becoming “That Girl”. You know her: the girl that is training for a marathon, perfected her skincare routine, drinks three gallons of water per day, curated a flawless capsule wardrobe, and eats nothing but Ina Garten salads. She is the barefoot contessa.

I can’t lie - it has me hooked. I’m ~scrolling in the deep~ with the aesthetic morning routines, green smoothie recipes, toned pilates bodies, cool girl outfits, and Pinterest-perfect productivity. And let me tell you, it’s effective (and oddly soothing). She tells me “just do this and you’ll become unrecognizable”. Suddenly I’m hyper focused on getting 10k steps, ordering Korean beauty products from Amazon, and starting off each morning drinking a cup of hot water with lemon.

Without realizing it, becoming “That Girl” has seeped into my subconscious as the ultimate goal: the only way to truly fit in is to subscribe to this curated perfection.

For women navigating their late 20s and early 30s, it feels like we’re constantly walking a tightrope— balancing career aspirations, relationships, friendships, finances, and self-care, all while trying to figure out who we actually are. And then there’s “That Girl,” who seems to have it all together. She’s productive yet relaxed, ambitious but not stressed, and effortlessly beautiful. It’s easy to see why she’s so appealing.

And we’re not the only ones paying attention—businesses are cashing in on this trend, too. Lurking behind the aesthetics is a billion dollar industry profiting off our desire to “fix” ourselves. In a marketing class in college, I was told by my professor that people only buy things that make them cooler or make them richer. Capitalism loves to disguise itself as self-improvement, and “That Girl” is its most successful mascot.

Think about it: her lifestyle requires an arsenal of products to achieve: the $50 water bottle, $200 matching sets, $100 serums, and the endless stream of products that promise perfection. We’re always just one purchase away from having it all together.

It’s so easy to get caught up in thinking we need all these things to live up to these standards. And I don’t know about you, but for me, it’s not working…

My green smoothies? They look more like swamp juice. I tried journaling every day at 6am only to find that I have nothing profound to say at this hour. Not to mention, I’m feral without caffeine in the morning. Oh, and I still hate everything in my closet and have nothing to wear!

Chasing this version of perfection is a slippery slope to burnout, and it can quickly turn into a cycle of guilt and comparison when we inevitably fall short.

But here’s the twist: for all her unattainable perfection, I don’t totally hate “That Girl”. At her core, she’s aspirational, reminding us to dream a little bigger, prioritize our health and self-care, and bring order to our chaotic lives. I love her commitment to self-improvement and the way she romanticizes her life.

We love her because she’s a fantasy—a version of what we could be— but also one that gives us a tiny push to think about how we can better show up for ourselves. Maybe it’s time we recognize that we don’t have to be her, but we can take the parts of her lifestyle that genuinely make us happy and use those to craft our own version of balance and fulfillment.

So here’s your PSA— You don’t need to buy your way to happiness and balance. What you really need is probably some quiet time, a good night’s sleep, and the permission to just exist without optimizing every corner of your life.

It’s time we ask ourselves: What does “This Girl” look like? The one that doesn’t chase perfection, but embraces the real, messy, unapologetic version of herself?

True power comes from figuring out what works for you— whether that’s meditating at sunrise or rolling out of bed at 8 a.m. with coffee in hand.

walk boldly,

Caroline